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I feel very vulnerable nowadays, i'm easily get hurt and my ego constantly being challenged. i feel terrible loneliness when i see some other people are so happy together and yet ignoring me as if i don't exist. but this is a challenge for me, challenge to destroy my ego, i'm constanly testing the ego.

I feel lonely yet i don't wish to associate with anyone, even friends. not that i want to ignore my friends but i don't want to. Even my family... I'm sick of being a pretender, and i pretended a lot, with alot of masks, that my personalities are so inconsistent to each of my friends. i wish to be left alone and dive deep inside me to find my real self. It's sick to be pseudo. It decorates my ego but deep down inside I felt like I was cheating myself.

I feel a void in my heart, wanting something so desperately, probably love? but i still aren't able to share my love. Most probably I don't have one yet inside. deep down i want to be loved, but that wouldn't be right.

i feel sad, but i feel excited at the same time. this is a great opportunity, it opens my wound inside and i could dive inside and see.

I have to find that light... I know the light is very near...